About death . nl

the website that makes death open to discussion

Exercise 1

Connect to the other person.

Whether someone is with you or not (anymore) it is still possible to connect to the other person.

First take your time to concentrate on the other person. Think about what you share (have shared) with the other with a warm and loving feeling.

Send all the love you feel for the other to him/her. (If this seems too difficult then keep thinking about the other whilst keeping a pleasant situation in mind.)

Feel, through the thoughts, that you are close to the other.

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Exercise 2

Restore, heal or forgive the relationship.

At any moment you can choose to restore, heal or forgive the relationship you have (have had). This is your choice; you don’t need the other person to be present.

Appreciate that any relationship has its ups and downs.

Start by remembering nice things that you share/shared together.

What can you change about how you view the other? Be honest. Is the other worth changing something for?

Do you have a question for the other? Look inside yourself to find your answer. Be content with the answer you have given in this moment. This is the answer you have been given.

When you make changes in your relationship the other will change along with you.

Exercise 3

Act on how you feel.

Powerlessness requires determined action. Do something that can change the situation. Accepting a situation is a good start. Ask the other what you can do. If you are unable to ask: think about what you would like yourself if you found yourself in this position. Then act on that.

Anger remains in your body until you release it. Allow space for your anger. Find a safe place where you cannot harm anyone. For instance, sit on your bed and imagine your pillow is the subject of your anger. Now hit the pillow with all your strength. Take as long as you need. Shout if this helps to give you even more relief.

Guilt is something you create all by yourself. You blame yourself for something you did or did not do. There is nothing about the situation that you can possibly change now. What you can change however is your perception to the feelings of guilt. Forgive yourself, even if you have done something really bad you can forgive yourself. You do this all by yourself. You have learned something about what you did or did not do. Next time you will do things differently. Now look ahead and imagine you find yourself in the same situation. How would you act? Be honest with yourself. Understand that you needed to go through this in order to be able to learn from it.